Lonely hearts still beat the same
by BadassGenius
Summary: May 12th. It's a special day for you, not that you celebrate it but it still feels special to you.   I know the summary is not good but i don't want to give too much away.
1. May 12th

**Fandom:** Grey's Anatomy  
**Character: **Addison&Derek

**Rating:** T  
**Status**: Complete (one shot)  
**Disclaimer : **Characters and show belongs to Shonda Rhimes. Title belongs to The Research .

**Author's Note: **It takes place right now, somewhere during season 7 of Grey's Anatomy and season 4 of Private Practice. It's all canon. No flashback, no alternative universe.

**Lonely hearts still beat the same.**

It's a special day for you, not that you celebrate it but it still feels special to you. Actually, you haven't celebrated it in such a long time but still you like to remember it, to think about what you and Derekhad.

May 12th. The date of your wedding. You still remember the best day of your life like it was yesterday. The sun was shining high, you were so happy because the life you had always wanted was about to start. All your family and friends were there, you were as beautiful as a princess. That day is a day you'll never forget, no matter what.

You're in Los Angeles now. It's 5.30 am but you can't sleep anymore. Your shift starts in six hours but you know you won't be able to fall asleep again. Trying not make any sound because you don't want to wake Sam up, you walk to your walk-in closet and take a big red box. It's well hidden under an untidy pile of clothes you don't wear anymore. This box is full of memories and you only open it on May 12th. Every year.

The sound of your feet on the marble stairs are barely audible, you really don't want to wake Sam up. You want to do this on your own, like you've always done. It's already hot outside so you decide to go to your balcony. There's a gentle breeze; sun and breeze, just the weather you like the most.

You sit on your lawn chair with the red box on your knees. You take a deep breath and then you open it. As you open it, you get carried away by memories. There are a lot of things in this box and even if you and Derek got divorced many years ago, they still hurt you like the first time.

The first thing you pick is a necklace Derek gave you as a birthday present the first year you were a couple. It's beautiful. It's made of white gold with a topaz set in a heart-shaped pendant. He said that that topaz matched perfectly with your eyes. You've worn it since that day. When you and Derek got divorced, though, you felt like you couldn't wear it anymore. You just couldn't.

You gently put it back into the box and then you take a little piece of paper. It's all ruined but you don't care, you just can't throw it away. There's the song Derek wrote for you written on it. _Our eyes met over the cadaver, and I knew that I had to have her… _You start singing to yourself. You sigh a little remembering how happy you two were. Everybody wanted what you two had.

Then, you grab an intense light blue tie. He forgot it at your brownstone when he left for Seattle. Once arrived in Seattle, you really wanted to give it back to him but when you realized that you two were done for good, you decided to keep it for yourself. It still smells the same, you think while smelling it. The tie smells good, it smells like his favorite perfume.

After the tie, your hand reaches something cold, stiff and white. You grumble a little and then you take it out the box. It's a pregnancy test. Negative. The only one that you've ever taken in your life. You and Derek had been married for five years when you thought you were pregnant. You really wished to be pregnant. But you weren't. You cried so much. After that, you and Derek tried to have a child so badly but it never happened. Maybe you weren't supposed to have a child, to be a mother. Who knows.

At last, the most important thing. Your wedding picture. You and Derek were so happy that you could feel your happiness, your joy, from the picture itself. Your red hair loose on your shoulders, your extremely beautiful white dress, a bouquet of red roses in your hands. Derek's by your side, his arm around your waist. A single crystal tear slides on your left cheek. Your fingers caress gently the picture, your memory flies to the best day of your life. Actually, you always cry a little on your anniversary day. It doesn't matter that you and Derek are not married anymore – he's even already married to Meredith and you're in a serious relationship with Sam – but on the day of your anniversary you can feel him right beside you, like he was on your wedding picture.

There's one thing you don't know, though. Derek is sitting all alone on the couch, Meredith's sleeping upstairs in their bedroom. He's having a scotch, he doesn't care it's not even breakfast time and he has something in his hands. Something he's caressing and staring at with such a broken look on his face. It's your wedding picture. The very same you're holding in your hands right now. He does that every year, just like you. He also keeps the picture hidden somewhere in his dresser. Just like you, he thinks that not seeing the picture every fucking day will keep your memory vague. He doesn't want to get hurt, he doesn't want to remember, he just wants to forget. Because thinking of you still hurts him, just like thinking of him still hurts you. May 12th. Sometimes he cries on this day but he'd be too proud to admit it.

Two people, one soul. You still love him but you don't know that he still loves you. You've both moved on, you're kinda happy with Sam but deeply in your heart you know that Derek's the real love of your life. Your soulmate. He is now married to Meredith but, every year, looking at you in the pictures, he knows that he's not over you. He knows he still loves you and he always will. Deeply in his heart, he always will.

You gently close the red box, go upstairs and hide it where it's supposed to be. You lay down on your bed next to Sam, you close your eyes and try to think about something funny, something not related to Derek, something to cheer you up. His presence still lingers in your mind, though.

You don't know that Derek's doing the same thing, except for the fact that he's lying on the couch. He's trying to think about his surgeries scheduled for that day but he can't stop thinking about how happy and in love with each other you were so many years ago.

The end of a relationship doesn't mean that love is over, too. Sometimes, people make terrible mistakes and they just take the easier way to fix them. They decide to let go, to start fresh. They think they need a new beginning but it's not always as easy as it seems. Love doesn't end with two signatures on the divorce papers. It takes you a lot more to forget the love you feel for a person, especially when it comes to your soulmate. It might take you weeks, months or even years to realize it. When you do, it will be too late; life will have already taken advantage of the situation. Thing is, though, that lonely hearts still beat the same.


	2. So far from where you are

**Fandom:** Grey's Anatomy  
**Character: **Addison&Derek

**Rating:** T  
**Status**: Complete (one shot)  
**Disclaimer : **Characters and show belongs to Shonda Rhimes. Title of the fic belongs to The Research. Title of the chapter and lyrics belong to Lifehouse. The song is "From where you are". Listen to it, it's sooo good.

**Author's Note: **So, I've decided to turn this fiction into a multi chapter one. At first, I wanted this to be a one shot just because I liked the idea of Addison and Derek still thinking about each other during their anniversary; that way I, and you all with me, could pretend that it happened on the show as well. That being said, I've been asked to write more. I've even received some suggestions and today, while I was practicing yoga, I got some more ideas. Special thanks to Amy for giving me some ideas for this chapter. So guys, here we go. I can already tell that it won't be longer than three chapters but well, I hope you'll like it. Oh and thank you all for reading my fictions. Enjoy it!

**Lonely hearts still beat the same.**

**Chapter 2**

**So far from where you are.**

_So far away from where you are  
These miles have torn us worlds apart  
__**And I miss you, yeah I miss you **_

_So far away from where you are  
I'm standing underneath the stars  
**And I wish you were here** _

**_I miss the years that were erased_**_  
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face  
**I miss all the little things  
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me  
**Yeah I miss you  
And I wish you were here_

**_I feel the beating of your heart_**_  
I see the shadows of your face  
Just know that wherever you are  
Yeah, _**_I miss you  
And I wish you were here_**

**ONE YEAR LATER**

12.05 am. May 12th. It's that day again. You've just arrived home, Sam's not here. You've got such a bad day today; he's never here when you need him, you think.

_Charlotte King paged you, she needed you in the hospital for an emergency. There was this woman, eight months pregnant, who had a car crash with her husband and their other two children. Matthew and Savannah were their names. They both died due to the multiple injuries and traumas they got in the car crash. Their father was in a coma and their mother, their pregnant mother, was the one who got less injured. She didn't know her family was dead, she just knew she was in labor and she needed to give birth to her third child as soon as possible. When she arrived at the hospital, you knew she was critical. She was conscious but her vitals were weak and she could barely breath. You tried everything you could but you didn't make it. You couldn't save her. You were doing a C-section on her but something went wrong and she started losing a lot of blood. You tried to fix her but she was too damaged to be fixed. At some point she collapsed, she crashed; you lost her vitals and then your colleagues brought her back to life. You stopped the bleeding but her heart couldn't handle all the stress and she died. In the meanwhile, you had taken the baby out of her body but she was too weak even to cry. She was cyanotic because her __umbilical cord was all over her throat and she couldn't breathe. You cut it off, she started breathing better, you took her to an incubator but then something went wrong. She crashed. You tried to reanimate her but she was gone. _

This is one of the worse days of your life. You're not used to lose patients, you're that good. You also know that you've done everything you could in that damn O.R. but still you blame yourself for not being able to save that woman and her baby girl. It's all your fault, you think.

You sit on the couch, your head in your hands and you start crying. The only thing you really have is your job and days like this are so crappy that you wish you never became a surgeon. You could really use some company right now. You just wish Sam was here to hug you and tell you that you're a good person, a good surgeon. Of course he's not here, though. He has the night shift today but other than that, things between the two of you are not as good as it seems. Yes, you're still together but you fight a lot lately and you don't even know if he still loves your or not. You do, but not as much as you did one year ago.

After almost an hour spent crying alone on the couch, you stand up, go upstairs and take the precious red box from the walk-in closet. It's been a year since the last time you touched it. You never open it during the year even if sometimes you really feel the urge to do so.

You run downstairs, put the box on the couch, go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of red wine and then you sit on the couch with a glass of wine in your left hand and the box on your knees. The wine tastes delicious, you think. It's your favorite one, after all. You take two long sips of wine and then you open the box.

Everything's like the last time you opened it. Everything's in order. Everything's simply perfect. You gently take all the items out of the box and put them on the couch. You cross your legs, you drink all your glass of wine and pour yourself another glass of it. You start caressing the tie, it's so soft and the color is beautiful. It's one of your favorite Derek's ties. You're glad you've kept it for yourself. Sometimes you feel stupid because doing this kind of ritual makes you even sadder and heartbroken. Especially tonight. You start thinking about Derek and Meredith, how happy they are now, how you and Sam don't work.

You drain your glass of wine. Your head start spinning and hurting a little. You haven't had dinner today, you realize. That's one of the reasons why you shouldn't drink tonight. But you really need to drink, it makes you feel better, it makes you forget all the pain and the sorrow you feel.

With your eyes closed, you move your right hand into the box and take out something random. It's your wedding picture. You look at yourself at the picture: you were so beautiful and most important thing, you were happy. Derek made you happy. Sam doesn't. He has made you happy for a while but he started freaking out when you asked him to have a baby with you. Things have changed since then.

You look at Derek and your mind replaces your figure with Meredith. You haven't called or seen Derek for more than one year, so you don't really know what he's up to. He's probably seriously married to Meredith now. The post-it wedding doesn't count for you. It's not a real wedding. _Your_ wedding was a real one.

The bottle is now empty. You can't believe you have drunk all the bottle. You're now crying so much, you're even sobbing. All for that stupid coward who left you so many years ago. Even if your head is spinning, you slowly stand up and walk to your bag. You take out your cellphone. You have never felt this way on your anniversary, memories have never been this heavy. This time, you can't do it on your own.

You want to call Naomi, she's supposed to be your best friend so she'll be more than happy to come over and hug you. At least, you hope so. You start composing her number but suddenly your fingers dial another number; a number that's not on your cellphone index book. It doesn't need to be in there because you know it by heart.

Wiping away the tears from your eyes, you patiently waits for _him_ to answer the phone. It's late night so you wouldn't be surprised if he didn't answer his telephone. But then he does. He picks up the phone.

"Addison?" he says. His voice is loud and clear.

"Hey" you greet him. You don't know what to say.

"Are you ok?" he sounds worried. "I mean, it's almost 3.00 am and you haven't…"

"It's May 12th, Derek" you simply say. Your voice is a little raucous because of the wine.

Silence. You can hear him breathing on the phone but he's not talking anymore.

"I… I know, Addison" he whispers.

You hiccup a little. Your stomach hurts. Your hands are trembling.

"Did I wake you up?" you ask him.

"No, not really. I… I couldn't sleep"

"Neither could I" you say, without mentioning the bottle of wine you've just drunk.

"Addison"

"Derek"

"You first" he says, gently.

You're now smiling. You and Derek really often started talking at the very same time when you were together. When you were Addison and Derek.

"Do… Do you remember, Derek? Do you remember what we had?"

"Addison, don't…"

"Please, just answer my question. It's easy. Yes or no."

"I do, Addison. Why are you even asking me this, anyway?" he's getting a little nervous.

"I… I don't know" you start laughing, realizing that calling Derek was one of your worse ideas ever.

"You're drunk"

"So what? You're not my husband anymore! You don't get to tell me what I can or I can't do!" you growl.

"Where's Sam?" he interrupts you "Talk to him, okay? I don't want to talk to you, Addison. Not today."

"Yes, Derek. Do what you can do best. Run. Just like you ran away from your problems back in New York."

"What the hell are you talking about, Addison? You're the one who cheated on me!"

"I should have never called you, Derek. I'm sorry, okay? Have a good night."

"No, wait" he surprises you. "I just don't feel like talking to you today, okay? I'll call you tomorrow, I promise. I can't have a conversation with you today. It would…" he stops and takes a deep breath.

"What, Derek? It would, what?" you want to know why your ex-husband can't talk to you on your anniversary. You stay on hold, listening to Derek's breath. It takes him two minutes to tell you the reason why he can't talk to you today.

"It would hurt too much" he simply says. His voice is now sad and distant.

Tears start streaming down your face. Now, you really know that he feels like you on your anniversary day. You know that he hasn't forgotten the best day of your life, he hasn't erased the memory of you.

"You know, Derek" you're trying not to cry "I've loved you with all my heart. I… I haven't forgotten what we had, I haven't erased all our years together. So, every year on our anniversary I… I have this red box, there are some items related to our life together and..." you take a deep breath " Every year, on our anniversary, I open it and take everything out. I look at us in the picture. We were happy, Derek."

You're crying now. You don't know that his eyes are full of tears as well.

"We _were_ happy, Addison. We're now happy with other people…"

"Don't you ever miss me, Derek?"

Another long pause on the phone. You can hear him drinking something.

"Every fucking day"

"I miss you too, Derek. I… I wish you were here…" you're now crying uncontrollably.

"Addie, don't. We'll pretend this conversation never happened, okay?" he was begging you.

You swallow then you say something you haven't told him in years.

"I love you, Derek"

Your words hit him like a punch in the face. He didn't see it coming, it comes totally unexpected.

"You're drunk, Addison. You don't know what you're saying…" you try to convince her.

"Don't worry. I don't need to hear those three words from your mouth" you say "I just needed to tell you, okay? I already feel a lot better. I just had to spill it out. Our divorce hasn't changed my feelings for you, it never will. It has probably changed yours but I don't mind. I'm falling apart, Derek, but it's none of your business. I've got friends here, I have a serious relationship with Sam, everything's gonna be…"

"I love you back" he says, then he brutally hangs up the phone.

You can't believe what he just said. He's drunk, you think. You wish he meant what he just said.

"_What have I done?" _Derek thinks. He's starting to realize that his words to you will change his life forever.

You stand up, throw the bottle away and go upstairs. You really need to take a warm shower in order to clear your mind. If Derek really means what he said, you know you won't be able to stay in Los Angeles and do nothing about it. You feel so far away from where he is but, somehow, you can feel his heart beating at the same time your heart does.


	3. Everything you want, everything you need

**Fandom:** Grey's Anatomy  
**Character: **Addison&Derek  
**Rating:** T  
**Status**: In progress (Chapter 3/5 – Everything you want)  
**Disclaimer : **Characters and show belongs to Shonda Rhimes. Title of the fic belongs to The Research. Title of the chapter belongs to Vertical Horizon.  
**Author's Note: **Guess what, guys? I've decided to make this fiction 5 chapters long instead of 3. Two days ago, while I was jogging, I had other interesting ideas… so well, the more the merrier, I guess. This is just a filler chapter, so nothing really cool happens this time but I hope you'll like it anyway. Thanks for reading!

**Lonely hearts still beat the same.**

**- Chapter 3 -**

**Everything you want, everything you need..**

After a very long shower you know what you have to do. You can't just stay here pretending Derek didn't tell you that he loves you. You need to fly to Seattle and talk to him, because if there's a chance, even a tiny chance, you need to know.

You take your Louis Vuitton Keepall 50 and you start packing. You don't know how long you're going to stay away, it will depend on Derek. You don't need a lot of things, just some change of clothes and underwear. Make up and shoes. You're almost done when you hear your bedroom's door opening.

"Addison… What are you doing?" Sam asks you. His voice sounds curious.

"Hey…" you turn to look at him. "I'm… I'm packing" you just tell him.

"Yeah, I can see that" he replies like he wanted to tell you that he's not stupid "Where… where are you going?"

"I'm going to Seattle" you reply, while wearing the necklace Derek gave you many years ago. You're now feeling ready to wear it again. You kind of need to wear it.

"Seattle?"

"I… I have something to…"

Sam notices your necklace. He recognizes it and he knows you haven't worn it since you and Derek divorced. He comes closer to you, takes a deep breath and starts talking.

"You're going to Seattle for Derek, aren't you?"

You turn your face down and put on your Loboutin shoes.

"Addison, please…" he tells you, holding your arm tightly.

"I'm sorry, Sam. Okay?" you reply, looking at him straight in the eyes. "I have to go there… If there's a chance I can get my husband back, I won't waste it."

He lets your arm go and hugs you. You didn't expect such a nice treatment from him.

"Addie… Go and get him. Okay?" he kisses you on your left cheek "I'm sorry we didn't work. I didn't mean to hurt you. You deserve the best. I don't know what made you change your mind about Derek but if you feel like you still have a chance with him, well… if that's the case, just go and get him!"

Sam is such a good friend, you think. That's the problem. He's a _friend_ to you, not a boyfriend. It's one of your best friends, that he is. Nothing less, nothing more.

"Sam, thank you so much" you say, hugging him even tighter. "I'll keep in touch, okay?"

"Sure" he lets you go "Goodbye, Addison."

"Goodbye, Sam" you give him one last kiss on his left cheek.

Sam kisses you back then he leaves your house. You know it's for good. You also know that if things don't turn out as you want in Seattle, then you'll be alone again. The thought of being on your own once again scares the hell out of you. This time, though, you want to take the risk. You have to.

It's 6.00 am and you're ready to leave Los Angeles. You lock the house and drive your car to the airport. The first flight to Seattle leaves in three hours, so you have all the time to buy the ticket and wait at the check-in line. You're so nervous and impatient. Derek doesn't know you're coming and you have no idea how he'll take this. Will he yell at you? Will he be happy to see you again? Will he pretend he never told you that he loves you? All these questions are killing you. You need to know the truth.

The plane takes off right on time. The flight won't last long but you need to sleep a little, so you just close your eyes and sooner than you could ever imagined, you're arrived.

It's raining. You hate the rain, you prefer snow and you're now used to Los Angeles' sun and heat. Luckily you have an umbrella with you, so you won't get all wet. While walking to the first cab you can see, you bit your lower lip like you always do when you're nervous. You can't believe you've been so impulsive. It's true that love can make you crazy things, you think while getting into the cab.

Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. You're standing outside the hospital, under the rain, unable to enter. You're frightened. It takes you five minutes to feel ready to get into the huge building.

You have no idea where Derek might be so you decide to ask a nurse to page Dr. Shepherd for you.

"Dr. Montgomery!" you hear a female voice calling your name.

"Yeah?" you turn and you see the last person you'd like to see right now. Meredith Grey.

"Meredith" you just say "How are you?" you're really trying your best to be polite.

"Fine, thank you. Are you here for a case?" she asks you, giving you her annoying smile.

"No, not really. Do you know where I can find Derek?"

"Yeah, sure… He's in the Chief's office. He's doing some research for this surgery he has to perform on a five years old girl affected…"

"Thank you, Dr. Grey" you interrupt her and walk away.

You take the elevator and walk through the hall and then you're arrived. You're now standing outside Webber's office. You raise your right hand and knock on the door.

"Come in" Derek says.

You slowly open the door and you finally see him. He's giving you his back so he doesn't know that you're the one who's standing by the door. Your heart is beating faster than its usual, you get that warm fuzzy feeling you always get when you see him. He's the one you love, he's the only one who knows everything about you. He's your soulmate. You lean on the door, your arms crossed on your lap.

"Hi, Derek." you simply say, smiling at him.


	4. Your Guardian Angel

**Fandom:** Grey's Anatomy  
**Character: **Addison&Derek  
**Rating:** T  
**Status**: In progress (Chapter 4/5 – Everything you want)  
**Disclaimer : **Characters and show belongs to Shonda Rhimes. Title of the fic belongs to The Research. Title of the chapter belongs to The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.  
**Author's Note: ** I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write this chapter but I was in some sort of writer's block for this fic and I really didn't know how to put all my thoughts together. Actually, the title's chapter was supposed to be another one but then I tried reading the chapter while listening to "Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and well, it's such a blast! It matches beautifully. I have to say that I'm very proud because this chapter turned out so intense and good, so I hope you'll like it too! Well, enjoy!

**Lonely hearts still beat the same.**

**- Chapter 4 -**

**Your Guardian Angel.**

Hearing your voice, Derek immediately turns and looks at you.

"Addison" he sighs. He doesn't look too happy to see you "What are you doing here?"

"Derek, we need to talk" you tell him, your arms still crossed on your lap.

Derek stands up, takes the book he was studying in his arms and starts walking in order to leave the room.

"Actually, we don't" he tells you. His voice is cold, his eyes are not even looking at you. "And I'm sorry but I really need to do some more research about this surgery I have to perform. So, if you would excuse me…"

Derek outpaces you, leaving traces of his perfume behind himself.

"Derek, where are you going?" you ask him, following him. You're seriously getting angry because he's acting like you weren't standing right in front of him just a minute ago. He's even walking away now.

You turn and you see him walking in the hall, he's about to take the stairs to go downstairs when he meets Meredith and they start talking. You can see that Meredith's laughing and so is he.

Your heels are noisy on the floor but you couldn't care less. You walk quickly towards Meredith and Derek and, as soon as you're standing in the middle of them, you start talking again.

"Dr. Grey, would you please leave us alone? I really need to talk to Derek in private."

"Oh… I…" Meredith looks at Derek "Sure Dr. Montgomery" she tells you, annoyed.

She leaves and you don't even bother to thank her. Derek's looking at her, not at you, so you take his chin in your left hand and force him to look at you.

"Look at me, Derek" you order him, pissed.

"What the hell do you want from me, Addison?" he asks you, upset and angry at the same time.

"I just want to talk, Derek" you say, looking at him in the eyes. "Nothing less, nothing more"

You can hear doctors and nurses talking in the background, you know that, from downstairs, everybody is looking at the two of you. They're listening to your words, they want to know why you're here. But you really don't care about them, maybe you'll start caring later.

"If you're here for what I told you last night…" he whispers.

"That's exactly why I am here, Derek" you take a deep breath "I need to know if you meant it or not. Just tell me that and I'll leave. I promise"

He hesitates. He's looking at his feet now, like he always does when he's embarrassed. He takes a deep breath and chuckles. He can't look at you in the eyes now.

"I was drunk, Addison" he starts talking "You were drunk. It's like nothing happened."

"Nothing happened, Derek?" you yell "You want me to tell everybody here what you told me last night?"

"Don't do this!" he yells you back "Everybody's looking at us! Go back to Los Angeles!"

"Oh no… No, Derek!" you yell, gesticulating with your hands "You don't get to tell me what to do!"

"I don't care, okay? Do whatever you want! If you want to stay here, just stay! That's fine! But I'm with Meredith now so things won't change between me and you, if you don't leave!"

"Yeah, you and your post-it wife!" you shout "What happened to you, Derek? What the hell have I done to deserve this?"

"Don't you dare to say her name! Leave her alone, okay? At least she hasn't slept with my best friend!"

His words hurts you because he sounds like he hasn't forgiven you yet. When you took that damn plane to Seattle you were so sure that he was still in love with you, that he wanted to give you another chance.

Tears are now shimmering in your eyes. You push a wisp of red hair behind your ear and bite your lower lip. You're really trying your best to stay strong, you don't want to burst into tears in front of all those people.

"I shouldn't have come…" you whisper, now you're the one unable to look at him in the eyes "I'm sorry I bothered you. I really should go now."

He doesn't know what to say. You have just said the words he wanted to hear from you but now all he can do is staring at you. He swallows and starts talking again.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I really am" he's trying to calm you down "But Addison, there's nothing here in Seattle for you. You're right, you shouldn't have come. Let me call you a cab, okay?"

You're still staring at your Loboutin shoes, meeting his eyes would be like a punch in the face now.

"You don't have to... Pretend I never came, okay?" you pause for a second "Goodbye Derek."

You turn and your heels starts moving again. Their noise is the only sound you can hear, the hospital is just so quiet and silent because everybody was listening to you and Derek.

Your head hurts and now that you're not with Derek anymore, you can let those tears stream down your cheeks. You feel like your heart was about to explode, you can't believe that you came here for nothing.

"Addison! Wait!" you hear a familiar voice calling your name just when you are about to push the elevator's button. You turn and see Derek.

"Derek, what?" you ask him "I thought you were done humiliating me in front of the whole hospital."

"I've let you talk but now I have something to tell you too" he inhales and exhales quickly "And I don't care that everybody's looking at us, listening to our conversation. I can't let you go without telling you that I've forgiven you for sleeping with Mark. Seriously, I have."

You push the elevator's button, your eyes are still full of tears.

"Well, thanks for that Derek" your voice is trembling "That's not exactly what I wanted to hear but…"

"I'm not done yet" he interrupts you "There's more. All this time… All this time that we've been apart I've never stopped thinking about you. You are the first person I've ever loved with my whole heart and you're the only one I'll ever love that much. You're like an open book to me. We've been Derek and Addison and our marriage was the best time of my life…"

"Then you shouldn't have pushed me away" you tell him, interrupting his speech.

"I know. That's my fault and I'll never forgive myself for doing that. Ten minutes ago you asked me if I meant what I told you last night…"

"Don't" you state "I've got that you didn't mean it, okay?"

"What I said last night… I meant it" he says, looking at you in the eyes.

His eyes are now shimmering, he's trying to hold the tears.

Your heart beats faster, you can't feel the ground under your feet anymore. Your eyes meet and you know that he meant what he said. His eyes have no secrets for you, you can see his soul through his eyes.

"I love you, Addison" he declares and hugs you tightly. He rests his head on your shoulder and caresses your hair like he used to do so many years ago. "I'm sorry I've done this to you" he whispers to your ear.

You're now crying and sobbing just like you did last night when you called him. Some people are applauding, others are talking and cheering, others are just so pissed and mad at you but you don't care.

"I love you too, Derek" you manage to say.

Derek raises his head and kisses you. Your tongues meet and you feel like you were in Heaven. The kiss lasts so long that you can barely breath when your lips separate.

Then Derek does something completely unexpected. He kneels to the ground, takes your left hand, looks into your eyes and then starts talking, with his best smile on his face.

"Will you marry me again, Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery?"

"Yes, I will! Of course I will, Derek!" you exclaim, excited.

He stands up and kisses you once again.

"I've missed you, Mrs. Shepherd" he jokes, smiling.

"I've missed you too, Mr. Shepherd" you tell him, laughing a bit

You hug him again and you just don't want to let him go because you don't want this moment to ever end.

After all this time, you feel complete again. Derek's your soulmate and no matter how hard you try, you'll never be able to replace him. You might love somebody else, just like you did with Sam, but you'll never love him as much as you love Derek.

When two people are meant to be together, no matter how long they stay apart, no matter how much they suffer, nothing really matters in the end, because those two people will find each other again and when they do, they will be finally able to breathe again.


	5. The End

**Fandom:** Grey's Anatomy  
**Character: **Addison&Derek  
**Rating:** T  
**Status**: Complete (Chapter 5/5 – The End)  
**Disclaimer : **Characters and show belongs to Shonda Rhimes. Title of the fic belongs to The Research. Title of the chapter belongs to Lost. I picked this title as a tribute to my all time favorite TV show.  
**Author's Note: ** So guys, here we are! The very last chapter of this story. I hope you'll like it! Oh and at first, I didn't plan to write Meredith's reaction into the story but considering that so many of you asked me about Meredith, I've decided to write something about her too. Flashback thing. 

**Lonely hearts still beat the same.**

**Chapter 5**

**The End.**

_Meredith Grey saw the whole scene. When Addison asked her to talk to Derek in private, Meredith took the stairs to go to the lower floor but then Addison and Derek started yelling at each other and Meredith knew that she couldn't just walk away. Her eyes met Cristina's ones and they, along with tons of other doctors and nurses, started to listen to what Derek and Addison were saying. When Derek told Addison to leave Meredith out of the story, Meredith couldn't help but smile. Derek was hers, Addison had her chance but she lost the best guy in the world years ago. It was her fault, after all. Then, Addison started walking away with her damn expensive shoes and Meredith thought that she would have never seen the Montgomery chick ever again. Derek wanting to talk to his ex-wife surprised Meredith but she was pretty sure that Derek was about to send Addison to hell. Then the most unexpected thing happened: Derek wanted Addison back. Tears started streaming down Meredith's cheeks. Then those three famous words came from Derek's mouth. They felt like a punch in the stomach for her. She started sobbing and crying louder; looking at the happy couple was too much to handle for her. Derek was smiling at Addison and so was she, they were kissing and hugging. With her eyes full of tears, Meredith ran away and Cristina went after her. That day was the last time Meredith ever spoke to Derek._

**SIX YEARS LATER.**

It's a hot spring day in Los Angeles but there's that breeze that you love so much. It's evening and you and Derek are having dinner in your favorite restaurant. Things have changed a lot in these six years. After his unexpected proposal, Derek bought you the biggest Trilogy ring he could find and moved in with you in Los Angeles. At first, you wanted to go back to New York but considering your good job and your friends in the city where the sun almost always shines, you decided to stay there. Derek agreed, he actually didn't want to go back to New York because he wanted to start fresh with you, he thought the you both needed a clean slate.

"Happy Anniversary, Mr. Shepherd" you tell Derek, giving him your biggest smile.

"Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Shepherd" he smiles back at you, handling you a gift "I know you said that you didn't want any presents but when I saw it, I just couldn't resist…"

"Oh Derek!" you say, amused "You shouldn't have…" your fingers quickly unwrap the little red box and your eyes start to shine like stars when you realize that your husband got you that Bvlgari watch you saw last month "Oh my God, Derek! It's beautiful! Thank you!" you tell him.

"You're welcome, honey" he replies, smiling happily "Let me help you" he says, seeing that you're having troubles in wearing your new watch "It looks beautiful on you."

"Thank you so much, Derek!" you lean over the table and kiss your husband on the lips "But… I have something for you too!" you say, all excited.

"Addie…" he starts but you interrupt him before he can say anything stupid.

"Here you are" you give him a blue packet "I hope you'll like it."

Derek smiles at you and starts opening the box. His fingers takes out a precious pen made of gold and black wood with "Dr. Derek Christopher Shepherd, MD" written on it.

"It's wonderful, Addie. Seriously."

"Yeah, you don't have one here in Los Angeles. I already have one at the clinic and I thought that you should have one too."

"This must have cost you a fortune, Addie…"

"You're worth it, Derek."

This time, he leans over the table and kisses you. He whispers _thank you_ to your left ear and you can't help but have chills. Even if you and Derek have been together for six years, sometimes you can barely believe that he has actually taken you back. Sometimes you're even afraid that you're just living the best dream of your life. It's just that your life is perfect again because Derek makes it perfect.

After your wedding, you and Derek went on Honeymoon to the Caribbean. It was the best holiday of your life: all you did was sunbathing, relaxing, eating and drinking delicious tropical cocktails, taking long baths in the ocean and having a lot of extraordinary hot sex. When you came back to Los Angeles, Derek started working at Oceanside Wellness Center with you and your colleagues even if Charlotte often called him to practice surgeries in the hospital.

Derek and you re-married on May 12th so, after his proposal, it took you almost one year to become a Shepherd again. He didn't want to wait but you did. May 12th had always been a special day for you both and you wanted it be special forever. Derek agreed, eventually. Your second wedding was even funnier and better than the first one, if that's even possible. All the people you care were there: people from New York, your family, all your friends and co-workers in Los Angeles and even a lot of people from Seattle, such as Mark, Richard, Miranda and many more. It was nice to see that many people loved you, no matter what you did to Derek. You two got married on the beach and even if you should have been used to it, you couldn't help but cry a little when you said _"I do"._

You and Derek are eating dessert and drinking champagne when, suddenly, you hear your phone ringing. You take out your phone from your purse and realize that somebody sent you a text message. You already have an idea and, reading the text message, your idea gets confirmed.

HOW IS YOUR DINNER GOING ON? PLEASE, COME HOME ASAP. THIS LITTLE MONSTER IS GONNA KILL ME. SRSLY HE DOESN'T WANT TO SLEEP. I DUNNO WHAT TO DO. LOVE, AMELIA.

You burst out laughing and let Derek read the text message.

"She really used the word _monster _related to our little boy?" he says, raising his left eyebrow.

"Amelia is not good when it comes to children" you're still laughing .

"Yeah, I told you to ask Nae to take care of Ethan" Derek's now laughing too.

"Actually, Amelia insisted. She wanted to look after him so badly. She's such an auntie!"

"Ethan is like the cutest child in the world!" he says, proud.

"Not when she cries" you remind him.

"Agreed" Derek nods "Well, I think that our night out has just come to an end. We should go…"

"Yup" you reply and stand up "Let's go then."

Ethan isn't your biological son. You and Derek adopted him five months ago when his mother gave him out for adoption. Mary Jane, that's Ethan's mother's name, was your patient. She was sixteen years old and she even considered keeping the baby but after talking a lot with her family, the teenager understood that she wasn't mature enough to take care of a child. Mary Jane didn't even have a boyfriend because he stepped out when she told him about the pregnancy. Giving Ethan out for adoption was the hardest thing Mary Jane had ever done in her whole life but she knew that it was the best thing to do for the newborn. After delivering the baby, you went home and told Derek the whole story. He surprised you when he suggested that you two could have adopted the baby and start a family. You needed to hear it one more time. Then he said once again and the day after you two went to the Social Services and adopted him. Ethan Jacob Montgomery Shepherd is now your son. You're finally a mother and you couldn't be happier than this.

You let Derek drive your car and in less than twenty minutes you're home. Derek opens the door and Amelia runs to you and gives you your child. Hugging him and smelling his sweet milky smell you realize that Ethan is the icing on the cake of your life. He's the missing piece of your life's puzzle. Now, everything's just in order. Everything's perfect. You're living the life you've always wanted. A perfect husband, an adorable son, a strong career and even a red cat, Milo. There's nothing more you might ask. You close your eyes, hug your son tighter and think that good things happen to everyone. You just have to wait the right moment and then you have to make your move, because your life could change forever. Even in your darkest moments you have to smile and go on because things will change, eventually. It might take time but life won't be bad forever. Expect the best, prepare for the worst like you always say.


End file.
